Peace at Last
By Christine G., New Jersey
I began meditating as a young child, although I didn't realize it. As young as I can remember, I was an insomniac. To combat this I would breath deeply and scan my entire body, relaxing each muscle in sequence. So, by the time I first began formal meditation, I slid into it like silk.
I was also a very unhappy, lonely and a spiritually lost person well into my adulthood. I desperately wanted a relationship with a Higher Power, but hadn't a clue where to start. I believed that my difficult life was God punishing me for being such a sinful person.
After I first came into recovery from alcohol, I was introduced to a stress reduction tape which reawakened what I had practiced so many years before. I began to seek out every meditation tape and later CD's, that I could get my hands on. For the first time in my life I had serenity in my heart. Sadly, I got out of the habit of daily meditation and prayer, and all I had worked for slipped away alarmingly quickly. A relapse was inevitable.
I managed to get sober again, but was filled with self loathing and shame. It was the deepest, darkest place I had ever been and I desperately wanted to get well. I would have panic attacks merely walking my dogs and was unable to even go to the Post Office. I was emotionally and financially dependent on my husband and considered myself unable to do anything worthwhile or make decisions.
One day I was looking through a catalog and saw "SpiritStep One." For a lark I ordered it, though I didn't believe I could ever meditate again. This CD turned my life around on more levels than I can count. I believe the most amazing thing it did was it taught me how to trust and love a Higher Power. While, before I used to pray at God, I now talked to Him and invited Him into my heart. Slowly, with practice, I became aware that what I thought and said was valid and valuable.
From there I once again sought out every meditation CD I could find. Some went straight to my heart and others were downright annoying. There're many a potentially effective meditation ruined by horrible background music. Still, I pursued and perused. I discovered that there are many different forms of meditation and that I could customize and personalize many different forms. All the while, developing an incredible relationship with my Higher Power.
As my dependence on Him grew, I became more free and confident. Today I have my own healthy business and my own car. My husband would not believe I could do any of that! He's still not sure how I do it. My profession brings me joy( I'm a pet sitter) and my own income. I have many wonderful friends who enhance my life. I see miracles in everything and thoroughly enjoy learning new things about my Higher Power and myself. Because of my practicing an average of 90 minutes of meditation a day, I can handle any situation instinctively and I have no fear of people or financial problems. I know that my Higher Power will take care of all of that, as long as I do my part. My sponsor says "Bring the shovel and God will move the mountain." What a relief and comfort it is to not need to worry about anything.
I have come from an empty shell of a woman to truly being happy, joyous and free. I daily meditate to SpiritStep One and SpiritStep Two, then mix in a little mindfulness meditation to ease my aches and pains and relieve any stress I may be feeling. I practice Christian meditation (through emersion), which gives me hope and comfort.
I have to emphasize that meditation must be practiced daily to be effective. If you skip one day, most likely you'll skip the next. It'll frighten you how quickly your quality of life will decline. The thing about a Higher Power is that He's always waiting for you to come back. I can testify to that.
Christine G.